I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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