I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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