420 ftw
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
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Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
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At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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