I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
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The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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