Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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