I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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