Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
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You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
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And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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