A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize