I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize