I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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