jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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