I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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