and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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