Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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