Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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