suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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