Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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