she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
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Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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