Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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