u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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