smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
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I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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