I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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