She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
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My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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