I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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