Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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