FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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