I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
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Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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