Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
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Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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