winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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