So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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