How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize