Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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