Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
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My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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