wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
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The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
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I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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