I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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