every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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