Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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