Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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