I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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