I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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