I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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