If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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