i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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