we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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