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The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
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