have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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