so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
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I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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