I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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