Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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