She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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